I can't fight my feelings.

I'm having a hard time.coming to terms with my loss still. I know Elias is here and everything but Im frequently reminded that I did not have perfect pregnancies. I was excited for a boy, created a registry and then went into labor and he died. Then I got coupons in the mail all the time for baby products.
When I got pregnant with Elias, they couldn't see anything on my first ultrasound. I thought I was going to miscarry. When everything turned out ok, I had surgery to make sure I wouldn't dilate. Then I got injections weekly from 16 weeks to 37. To keep from going into labor. I avoided creating a registry and when I finally made one, I didn't tell many people because I didn't want to jinx it. I didn't have a shower. We bought all of our own gear. We bought his clothes. He was gifted some small thinds here and there but we felt better getting it so we could return it if Elias passed away.
In my pregnancy, my SIL got pregnant with her first. In January, she miscarried. After a recovery period, she got pregnant again and at her ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. This was right after Elias was born.
When someone gets pregnant I'm more scared for them than I am happy for them. When they buy baby clothes or decorate a nursery or create a registry and have a shower, my mind screams, "Don't you realize your baby could still die?!"
There are no more happy, carefree pregnancies. I want to let them know how nieve they are, just because you're beyond the miscarriage stage allowed by some book doesn't mean you cant still have one.
I can't be happy. I can fake it, but I'm not happy.
When you know several people who are close to you have lost babes, wouldn't you have just a little worry in your heart?