I used to have a livejournal back in the day, but I never maintained it. I've decided to create this new blog so that I could talk openly about being pregnant with those I'd like to share it with. Unlike facebook, where I still don't feel like letting the WHOLE WORLD know (if it's on Facebook, it's official, right?), I feel like there are a select few that i'd like to share my feelings with and receive back input. There's a lot going on in my mind, not only being pregnant now but also with the wedding coming up, someone I live with and don't like, having animals (and thus facing their deaths), being broke and without insurance (working on that)...I just don't know where to start, and it seems my fingers don't want to stop, even though I'm not exactly sure what I want to put on here so bear with me if shit stops making sense. Also, do feel warned (whomever I choose can read this I guess) that I do swear like a trucker sometimes, if you're offended by it....too bad I guess, because i probably won't be changing for you.

Ok. Friends. Friends, friends, friends. I feel as though I have made a few. Very few. I've gotten close to Jen I feel, Angela too. I'm not used to having friends who are girls, haha. It's nice though I'm sad that as always, I make friends with people who live too far away to visit. Heh, and I could visit Jen but I kinda get bored at her house and she and both don't have much money for gas. Nate is my friend too, and Wallace though of course, he lives in Ohio :/. I'm hoping it all comes together for the wedding, I want to see everyone again and have a really good time. I love my friends and I feel like I get very dedicated. So far all have been supportive of my pregnancy except Wallace, whom I've not told yet.

Being pregnant is exciting and fun. A little surreal, I feel like nothing is in there but at the same time, I know there is stuff going on. I will be seeing the doctor on the 16th of Aug (also my moms B-day, happy bday mom). I'll "Confirm" my pregnancy, and I guess figure out what I should be doing from there. Of course, I hope everything is well with the baby (whom I hope is a boy!!!) and I havent had any bouts of morning sickness! That makes me happy because all the women who have been pregnant in my family have been PAINFULLY sick with girls and mild pregnancies with boys! I think I have sparked a bit of jealousy, and I really haven't meant to, Jared wants a baby now and I hope its not based on me being pregnant because I feel like, that's the wrong answer. I would love for them to get pregnant, Angela too, and I hope both the best!. At this time, I'd be excited to be the only one pregnant but I want it for both of them too. Its weird mixed feelings. Its like, I feel like, if someone else gets pregnant, the spot light is off me, and its not normally on me anyway so I kinda wanna suck it up as much as I can. I usually fly so far under the radar that the attention is kinda nice. *sigh* then I seem like a crazy bitch and I don't want anyone mad at me for what I'm thinking and feeling. I'm so emotional and sensitive, I feel like every comment is someone being mad at me, or whatever. I can't wait till it comes time for an ultrasound! And Ken and I both wanna find out the sex when we can. I know the surprise is nice, but at this point, knowing what the baby is will help a lot because i think we're gonna need the baby showers help with basics, diapers, baby onesies and Nuks and bottles and all that. Little things that add up.

ANYWAY. Wedding. A month and stuff left. I have the next fitting on (dun dun dun) Fri the 13th of Aug! I still have to finish paying the cake next month and talk to the florist, I know its crazy paying for flowers that will die but i think it will make a huge difference! and I can't wait for the cake, did I mention I LOVE CAKE! I also have to make sure that i set aside some time to meet with the vendor over food and seating and the dj over the do and dont play list. My bridesmaids still need shoes and I still need to get them gifts! I can't wait till the wedding day, and the honeymoon (though I cant go on rides in Busch Gardens!) I want primante brothes from Ft Lauderdale! YUM YUM FUCKIN YUM lol.

Well, being pregnant "Makes me have to pee like seabiscuit" and it also makes me very tired. So I think I shall nap and wait for Ken to come home in an hour and a half.