fingers crossed

I used OPKs, I used pre-seed, I BD'd on all my "fertile" days....now i'm 5 dpo...5 more till i take a frer and see whats up. if its neg, I'll wait for af, no reason to retest, my LP is only 12 days....I'm hoping, I've been praying...I just want that little eggie in there to be fertilized and floating on it's way to my ute to burrow its way in...hoping hoping hoping!!! FXFX!! I feel like, if God is real, then he'll make me pregnant, if not, it solidifies that he doesn't exist..........please, let me be pregnant.

A whole different animal.

TTC is a huge pain. It's so much easier to wake up, realize you're late and POAS and have it be positive than chart BBT and use OPKs or a monitor, wait till the peak and fuck like rabbits (using pre-seed this month) hoping to some sort of higher power that a few of the swimmers make it. Oh and now I've suffered this loss, and I get to freak out instead of be totally thrilled because I'm going to think that I'll suffer something again, a miscarriage, missed miscarriage, blighted ovum, ectopic PG, or that again, I'll go into preterm labor and lose the baby. I'll be more nervous than excited over hearing and seeing a heartbeat because there are so many that never get to see them...
I just want a take home baby. I'm so ready to be a mom.

still hurting

I'm still hurting over losing the baby. Anyway I want to get a fertility monitor and some pre-seed and start over. I wish I could just skip to 22w3d where I left off and i'm sad thats not how it works. Ugg. anyway, to anyone who reads this, please wish me luch this month. Come on november baby.